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8. Blame shifting

Avoiding accountability…

Blame shifting is another form of manipulation.

It is a tactic the narc uses to get the focus off themselves to avoid having to be accountable for any wrong doing.

Narcissists can come up with the most convincing excuses to shift blame onto others.

Image by Liza Summer

They will distort the truth so cunningly that it can be extremely difficult to prove the actual truth.

This is often the reason they get away with so much.

Protecting their ego and vulnerability…

The truth does not play along with the narrative of their grandiose fantasies.

And because the narcissist’s ego is so fragile, they cannot face the truth even if the facts are right in front of them.

Deep down they are aware of their faults.

But because their fragile ego does not allow them to feel guilt or shame that is associated, they will always continue to deflect blame.

Because narcissists are highly sensitive to criticism and have such low self-esteem,

they also shift blame and shame others to avoid the repercussions of guilt, shame and pain.

Their lack of empathy for others makes it easy for them to force others to take the blame and face their consequences for them.

Often by playing the victim themselves.

Other tactics they might use…

Narcissists will use gaslighting as a form of manipulation to shift blame.

Their sense of entitlement allows them to believe that they are so special that nothing is ever a result of their poor behaviors.

They also rely on the fact that you are caring and forgiving whilst always willing to be the bigger person.

So that there are no consequences to their actions, that’s why empaths become such easy targets for the narc.

Narcissists will use another manipulation tactic called ‘baiting’.

This tactic gets the target to react so the narcissist can blame the target’s reaction to also escape responsibility.

‘Triangulation’ is also another tactic they use to shift blame.

They will play people against each other so that they trust the narcissist instead.

The narc has then opened up the opportunity to place blame on the third party and once again, they break away from having to take accountability.

Blaming the scapegoat…

The narcissist often uses the ‘scapegoat’ to place blame on.

The scapegoat is the one who the narcissist sees as someone who is difficult to control.

Because the scapegoat’s strengths reminds the narcissist of their weaknesses, the narcissist tends to see them as a threat.

And blaming them is also an opportunity to shame and bring down the scapegoat to a state of vulnerability and weakness so the narc can feel superior.

Narcissists also secure supply by playing the victim and blaming the scapegoat.

And they get a massive ego boost when they know they’ve turned other people against you.

Sadly, narcissists secretly get pleasure from other people’s suffering.

Blaming the victim…

If you feel hurt, the narcissist will blame you. Believing that you inflicted that pain upon yourself.

But if the narcissist feels hurt, they will also blame you.

Convinced that the pain they feel is also of your doing.

Making other people feel guilty is another manipulation tactic narcissists use to shift blame.

This is so they can gain control by playing the victim.

When the narcissist embarrasses themselves, they tend to take it out on other people physically, emotionally or psychologically.

They then gaslight the victim into ‘blaming themselves’ for the way they were treated just so the narc can feel better about themselves. 

I honestly see narcissists purely as typical school yard bullies, never caring about anybody but themselves.

9. Pathological lying

The many reasons they lie…

Narcissists lie to themselves and to others for many reasons.

And one is to deflect blame so they do not have to feel the emotions of being accountable.

Image by Gerd Altmann

Their lies are connected to gaslighting, blame shifting, or anything to protect the narcissists fragile ego or grandiose fantasies.

They often lie to control another person’s perception of them to make themselves appear more successful, smarter, stronger or more caring than they actually are.

It’s a way to hide anything that the narcissist perceives as a flaw or a deficiency within themselves.

A narcissist’s pathological lying is also connected to their self-entitlement.

If the truth was out, they would not be able to manipulate to exploit others to gain what they feel they are entitled to.

These self-entitled manipulations can come through lies such as false promises, future faking, fake apologies or any other lies used for emotional manipulation.

They use these tactics to instill other feelings such as forgiveness, hope, fear, anger, guilt, pain or shame upon the target they are exploiting.

The truth of everything comes with consequences that the narc does not want to experience, resulting in more reasons for the narc to lie and to always continue to lie.

They feel the need to lie…

I watched an interesting YouTube video by Lisa. A Romano saying that neuroscientists have discovered that lying suppresses the activity in the amygdala.

The amygdala is the part of the brain where your emotions are given meaning.

The information is then stored and attached to associations and responses, (emotional memories).

Lisa goes onto explain that lying, to a narcissist is like an anesthetic.

When they lie, they actually feel calm, soothed and in control.

The narc feels that if they were to accept the truth of their feelings of inadequacy, guilt and shame then those emotions will cause them immense pain.

And by lying to others and to themselves, they do not have to feel that pain.

We may not ever be able to fully understand how others can lie so easily and hurtfully.

But this information does give us an insight of how a narcissist might think.

Everything about them is a lie…

Whether it is to deceive and exploit others, or hide their inferiorities, to shame, blame or punish others, a need for narcissistic supply, avoid consequences, whatever their agenda is…

the truth of the matter is, narcissists will always feel entitled to lie and they will feel no shame in doing so.

No matter how big or small the lie.

They will even lie for what seems like no apparent reason.

But often this is because narcissists also get pure enjoyment out of watching you question yourself.

And if they are caught out, they will simply just lie again in an attempt to cover up the previous lie.

When we encounter these lies from the narcissists, our job is to live our truth and not be convinced into living their lies.

Do not believe their words, believe what you see, what you feel and trust your truth.

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Awareness is power.