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Trauma bond is the strong emotional connection created between yourself and the narcissist.

We may also label this same feeling as a soul tie, spiritual connection or chemistry.

To be able to break the trauma bond in the easiest and most effective way, we must first understand what it is, and how or why it has affected us.

When we have a view of the situation from a different perspective it can give us clear insight, understanding and the strength to detach.

I have covered some of this topic in my previous post (Why you need to go no contact with the narcissist).

But this post will give a more in-depth insight of what may actually be happening within the trauma bond experience.

In the beginning…

The narcissist creates an emotional ‘high’ at the beginning of the relationship through the love bombing phase.

Our dopamine’s are through the roof, and we think we are in love.

Unaware that the love bombing was all an act of manipulation from the narcissist’s perspective.

The connection is so powerful we can often start believing that we have met our soulmate or twin flame.

But the truth is, narcissists have no personality of their own.

The love bombing was all an act and they were only mirroring who you were.

When you look at the relationship dynamic in this way, it is apparent you actually fell in love with your own traits.

They had been studying your wants, needs, past hurts, vulnerabilities, dreams and goals.

Then using it to create a blueprint to become your ideal lover.

Just to make you believe that they understand you and that they are everything you have been wanting and needing.

But the passion feels so intense that it can force the relationship to move quickly into a deeper but unknowingly toxic connection.

Image by Anete Lusina

The mask begins to slip…

Once the narcissist believes they have us trusting and committed to the relationship, that’s when their mask begins to slip.

They no longer feel the need to put so much effort in any more, and it is exhausting for them to be something that they are not.

And we begin to see the negative and true side to the narcissist.

They’ll bread crumb us with small amounts of attention to keep us believing in their false love and identity,

whilst counting on us to remember the good times so that we choose to stay in the relationship.

We are only living on hope at this point.

Hoping that we can get back to the place we were in, at the beginning of relationship.

And hoping for a future that the narcissist had falsely promised our relationship to be.

After only a few short weeks you may see inconsistencies and contradictions in the narc’s behaviors.

But because we think we love the narcissist; we tend to always give them the benefit of the doubt.

The narc can come up with the best believable excuses for their poor actions.

It’s difficult to not believe their rational reasonings when you are unaware of who they truly are.

In turn, this actually allows for the narc to feel powerful because it confirms to them that they are able to manipulate and gaslight us.

Thus, continuing their abusive behaviors and never having to be held accountable or hold true to their words.

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Awareness is power.