Accepting the hard truths…
There are many things to accept before you can fully break free from the trauma bond.
You must first accept that you cannot help or change the narcissist.
They do not want to change, and they never wanted you to fix them.
I seen this funny TikTok video once, and it explained our situation well-
”We empaths are always trying to fix our narc.
But we are unaware that the narc has many others trying to fix them too.
The narcissist has a whole damn construction crew behind our backs and they’re loving the attention”.
It is the hard truth we must accept.
The narcissist’s intention was always to manipulate us to give them everything we had.
To give up control of our own life and emotions, and handing that control over to the narcissist.
Then once we were depleted from all aspects of ourselves, they had always planned to discard us.
They do not see that there is anything wrong with their behavior and are only after supply.
This is why they can move onto the next partner so quickly; they need supply to survive.
It was never about love, they do not have it in them for them to give.
So therefore it was never about you. They do not see you as a person.
They just know that’s what you wanted.
And they used this fact to exploit and benefit themselves.
They only see us as a possession to control.
Do not worry about if the narc seems happy with their new supply, it is all a vizard to make you feel like you are missing out.
Narcissists love inciting jealousy into their partners, it is another form of emotional control that makes them feel powerful.
In time, the new supply will sadly experience the same trauma and abuse you had endured.
Other truths I had to accept…
As much as my empathic side wanted to believe in the good and honesty of others; deep down, I knew my ex-narc was a different breed.
Once I saw what was behind his mask. I knew he had allowed his demons to take over his soul a long time ago.
I had to leave that hope of change to a higher power.
He didn’t want to change; it appeared to me that he was happy hurting and using others to get what he wanted.
He was even happy to hurt me then blamed me for the pain he inflicted onto myself.
Thus, continuing to try and make my life hell by turning people against me.
I had to accept that I got fooled!
The narcissist had played me well!
He never loved me, and only took from me without ever truly giving.
Everything that he did give me, was used against me. Even things I never wanted and things I never asked for.
My needs were never met and my emotions were played.
I also had to accept that everything I had invested into the relationship was lost and wasted.
I had to cut my losses and accept that I now had to start again in life with less than I had begun with when I first met the narcissist,
whether it was my time, my finances, my efforts, my trust or the love and confidence I had for myself.
Within 12 months of meeting my ex-narc, I had become a much smaller version of myself.
Wake up and believe the truth…
Don’t allow them to destroy your life and your soul any further, whether you have been with them for 2 weeks or over 2 decades.
We must stop rationalizing and making excuses for their lies and abusive behaviors.
Please see it for what it is and stop justifying their actions to match the feeling you have for them.
The feeling is only trauma bond, not love. The person we believe we love does not even exist.
The only things that are real is the narc’s cheating, lying and abuse.
And how can we love someone that treats us so horrible.
If we treated someone the way they treated us, we couldn’t even love ourselves.
Please, to all my beautiful empaths, wake up.
We cannot change the narc, and we deserve to have our needs met by someone else who has genuine love and kindness for us.
Not fake kindness, with empty words from someone who only wants to destroy our body, mind and soul.
The narcissist is not a project for us to fix and we are not a project for the narcissist to exploit.
That is the hard truth we must accept to this relationship dynamic.
We cannot change those who believe there is nothing wrong with their behavior.
If they promise to change but they have never kept a promise before, then don’t believe this lie.
They know they are always lying to us, and yet we keep believing them.
They want us to keep falling for their lies. We must stop.
And see them as the devil they are, disguising themselves as an angel of light, tempting you to destroy yourself just one more time.
Just because they have decided to stay living in darkness, does not mean we have to succumb to their dark and controlling ways.
It is time to break the trauma bond and begin your healing.
And that also includes healing your past childhood traumas so you do not continue to attract toxic and hurtful relationships.
When I began to stop accepting the dysfunctionality in my family dynamic as ‘normal’,
it gave me true healing and the strength to stop accepting the dysfunctionality in my personal relationships also.
