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Compulsive lying…

Narcissists lie when gaslighting in order to get what they want.

If they get what they are after through lying, it can remove the need to use physical force.

Thus, hiding the fact that they are actually using and being abusive at the same time.

The narcissist sees lying as a strong and important tool to get their needs met.

And so, they feel fully justified in their behavior, because they feel entitled to get what they want.

These lies can come in the form of false promises, future faking, fake apologies, excuses or gossip and rumors.

Pretty much anything that gets them out of taking accountability or moves them towards something that they want.

Image by Kamaji Ogino

The narcissist can lie with such ease, conviction and force that it can be difficult to see the truth behind the lies.  

Their self-entitlement, lack of moral compass and empathy for others allows them to feel no shame or guilt when lying.

Lying makes them feel powerful when they can influence or control other people’s thoughts and emotions.

And they will also lie simply because they get pure enjoyment from watching us get confused and questioning ourselves.

Narcissists will also lie to control another person’s perception of them,

to make themselves appear more successful, smarter, stronger or more caring than they actually are.

It protects the narcissist’s fragile ego and supports their grandiose fantasies whilst forcing their agenda onto others.

And if they are caught out, they will simply gaslight by denying the facts and evidence in an attempt to cover up the lie.


Whether it is to deceive and exploit others, or hide their vulnerabilities, or to shame, blame or punish others,

to secure narcissistic supply, avoid consequences, whatever their agenda is…

the narcissist will always feel entitled to pathologically lie.

When we encounter these lies from the narcissists, our job is to live our truth and not be convinced into living their lies.

Deflecting and blame shifting

Narcissists also use gaslighting to deflect and shift the blame in many situations.

They will deflect or redirect conversations to avoid facing the truth and being exposed.

And also place the blame of their guilt onto other people so they do not have to take accountability for their actions.

What ever the narc is accusing others of, it is most often a hidden confession of what the narcissist is guilty of.

All this is to avoid looking bad and being wrong.

So, they do not have to face and accept their feelings of guilt, shame or blame.

They may also use reactive abuse when blame shifting.

This is when they antagonize their victims until the victim reacts.

Once the victim reacts out of frustration, the narcissist then directs the focus on how the victim is reacting.

Thus, taking focus away from the narcissist’s actions.

If you confront the narcissist when you catch them out on their lie,

they will attempt to cover that lie with another lie.

Image by SHVETS production

This can leave you wondering if the lie was actually a lie thus taking the blame for the confusion,

and ultimately taking away the responsibility for their poor behavior.

Gaslighting is so devious, it is confusing and it is meant to leave us feeling confused.

It is also a way to hide anything that the narcissist perceives as a flaw or a deficiency within themselves,

and to place that flaw onto someone else so the narcissist does not have to admit that they are imperfect.

The narcissist believes only what is in their ego, and they gaslight us to also believe that same narrative.

They need us to go along with their false narrative because it validates their fake identity, thus giving them supply.

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Awareness is power.