Some gaslighting phrases…
When you find yourself questioning the narcissist on their poor behaviors, they may come back at you with some of these phrases-
‘You’re being too sensitive’ or ‘you’re overacting’… (they’re blaming you for your own feelings so they don’t have to take accountability for their deliberate devaluing )
‘I never said that’ or ‘I never did that’… (denying their actions to avoid accountability, they will try and dismiss the situation completely)
‘It’s all in your head’… (they want you to question yourself and your reality)
‘I’m not angry’ or ‘that wasn’t a threat’… (denying their negative emotions to give themselves permission to act out in revenge without having to take accountability)
‘It’s your fault I even did it’… (they’re trying to get you to take accountability for their actions)
‘You’re only that way because you have trust issues’… (they will try and blame your reactions on your past experiences or past hurts instead of taking accountability for their present actions)
‘This is why no one likes you’… (they will use your reactions against you to divert the situation and attempt triangulation)
‘I was only joking’… (saying this hides the fact that they weren’t joking at all, and they don’t want to come across as a bully)
‘You’re being jealous and insecure over nothing’… (they want you to blame yourself for your feelings so they don’t have to take accountability for their actions)
Narcissists will always act as if others are the problem, and nothing will ever be their fault or their responsibility.
They feel entitled to have done what they did and they are not concerned with how it has hurt or affected others.
Any of these gaslighting phases are also used with the intention to confuse their victims and make them think they are going crazy.
What to do about gaslighting…
To avoid the effects of being gaslighted, it is important to pay close attention to our own thoughts, feelings and experiences.
Don’t doubt your own opinions on situations, and have the confidence to not be swayed.
Getting a third person’s opinion can also be validating to your views and sanity.
Start talking about your experiences and what confuses you to your trusted friends, family or associates.
Or opening up to anyone you know who has experience with emotional abuse can also be beneficial.
Also consider talking to a professional, this can help you heal from your experiences.
And get you back on track to finding and understanding yourself and the things you have been through.
Support and validation to your own reality is important.
Look out for any red flags of gaslighting and it can help you to not fall for any of the narcissist’s lies and hidden traps.
Documenting events can be powerful when dealing with ‘brain fog’ or collecting facts and evidence.
Also writing down your thoughts, feelings and experiences in a journal can truly help you to stay grounded with yourself and in validating your reality.
For me, it was writing poems and songs that helped me to accept and understand the truth of what was actually happening and how I was feeling.
Distancing yourself from the narcissist gives you space and allows yourself to heal.
Choosing to use the grey rock method will also cut off the ability for them to be able to gaslight you,
they will likely get bored and try their tactics on someone else instead.
But the best method to remove yourself from the narcissist’s confusing mind games,
is to walk away from the relationship and go no contact if possible.
If they have no possible way to gain access to you,
then they cannot even attempt to operate their gaslighting tactics on you.
Let go of the need for them to be accountable, they will never back down and succumb to understanding your views.
Allow them to have their chosen alternate world and you choose to stay living in reality.