Sources say that the term hoovering came from the iconic vacuum cleaner.
And just like a vacuum, when the narcissist hoovers,
they are attempting to ‘suck’ you back into the relationship and into another toxic cycle.
Why does the narcissist hoover?
Narcissists need constant supply, and if you were once a source of supply,
they will likely try and hoover you in an attempt to bring you back into their life,
and become supply once again.
It is not you as a person they are afraid of losing,
it is the you that is only seen as a source of supply.
And that you, is someone they use as an emotional punching bag to place all their shame and blame onto.
Someone to give them adoration and attention.
Someone that gives them status, money, a home or whatever the narcissist wants or needs.
And simply, someone to control to make them feel powerful and in control of their own lives.
Different techniques used
The narcissist will often use the same techniques that got you into the relationship with them in the first place.
Or anything that kept you in the relationship previously.
Anything from using their charm, sexuality, fake apologies, empty promises,
victimhood stories to play on your empathy, gifts and romantic gestures or any form of love bombing.
Usually, if one tactic doesn’t work for them, they will try a different tactic,
even in the one situation or conversation.
Narcissists often try and make you feel guilt or shame to keep you in the relationship.
Sadly, in some situations, when all other hoovering techniques don’t work,
they can also resort to using intimidation, threats and force.
And even stalking, because they cannot bare the thought of losing control of you.
Please get personal and professional support if you feel you are in a dangerous position with your narcissistic person.
And involve authority figures such as police if needed.
The narcissist will often use empty promises as a way to regain your love and be given a second chance.
They may ask for you to give the relationship one more chance,
promising to change for the sake of the relationship.
Or offer promises of things that they know you have always wanted.
Our hope and forgiveness are used against us to fall back into their trap.
Things that they deliberately withheld from you in the relationship can be used to hoover you back in.
Narcissists will never give you what we want or need unless it benefits them.
This is why you never get your needs met in the relationship.
But they will offer these things to you at the end of the relationship,
because only then, does the narcissist get something out of their efforts.
They get to use it as a way to suck you back in,
gain control and keep you as an object for supply.
The narcissist has always known what we have always wanted and needed;
we usually tell them out of frustration many times before we decide to leave them for good.
They have never cared, and usually go out of their way to deliberately give us what we don’t want,
just so they can feel a sense of power and control, especially if it is used as punishment against us.
So, we must see their empty promises for what they really are.
Just another tactic to hoover you back into the relationship.
Simply another lie used to manipulate the situation in their favor.