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The shame game

Using shame against us by the narcissist is closely connected to having our guilt used against us.

You may be blamed and accused for all their wrong doings.

They want you to feel the guilt and shame that they strongly deny within themselves

and so, they project them onto you.

The narcissist knows that if they can make you feel guilt for leaving them,

then they can make you feel shame for it too.

That shame can hoover you back to give the relationship another chance,

or that shame is used against you as punishment for leaving.

They will refuse to take accountability for any of their wrong doings.

Sadly, as empaths, when we are unaware of the narcissist’s games, we often believe that we have done something wrong.

Or that we are not good enough, especially as children, and this leaves us feeling shame.

Image by Monstera

Shame kept me trapped

Taking on that shame they project onto us, keeps us stuck in their web of control.

I remember, when I was younger, this was a regular pattern for me in most of my relationships with others.

I desperately wanted to be loved and accepted by everyone, especially my family.

Not knowing that they were toxic, I mistakenly believed that everyone had good intentions.

I thought I felt fear, shame and anxiety because I had somehow done something wrong,

which at the time, I could never figure out what that was.

It made me feel like I was never good enough or too dumb to understand,

and that feeling of shame continued to linger throughout my whole childhood and into adulthood.

Especially because my life felt so empty compared to most others around me.

Image by cottonbro studio

I used to even feel guilt and shame, just for thinking bad about my narcissistic family members.

I felt that I was betraying them somehow and I would fear their reaction if they knew,

because I knew they would get angry, deny everything, turn everyone against me

and blame me anyway making me feel worse than I already did.

It caused me to doubt myself and the reality of the situation my entire childhood.

I excused their behaviors and genuinely thought that my love would heal them and make them love me back.

Boy, was I wrong.

My love and forgiveness only enabled them more, and unknowingly at the time.

If only I knew what narcissistic abuse was when I was younger,

I would have escaped years, even decades earlier than I did.

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Awareness is power.