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Giving into fear and insecurities


Our deep fears and insecurities can make us vulnerable to the narcissist’s hoovering.

Especially if we are co- dependent ourselves.

Or we may simply fear being alone.

Surrounding yourself with friends, loved ones or outside support can truly help with the feeling of loneliness.

During my loneliest times when I felt I had no support at all,

having pets really helped me through some hard times.

Don’t allow your fear of loneliness to give in to the narcissist’s hoovering.

If you go back into the relationship, just remember that it is a permanent life of anxiety

and loneliness with the narcissist.

It’s better to feel those fears without them because eventually the fears will go away,

and you will discover that there are real relationships for you in life,

ones that give you the opposite of fear and loneliness.

You deserve relationships that give you love, respect, reciprocation and true happiness.

The unknown

We could also fear the unknown, and feel it to be easier to stay in the toxic relationship.

The saying goes, better the devil you know than the devil you don’t know.

And what’s love and self worth if you’ve never had it and don’t know what it is,

how to get it or how it feels anyway?

Image by John Rae Cayabyab

I know when I was younger, my fear of not being good enough for anything else

kept me in many toxic cycles with my family and those around me.

Building a stable network of trusted friends that helped me to see through the truth

and give me strength, took many lonely years of creating.

So please, don’t give up. If I can do it, then so can you.

Lack of finance

The narcissist may also have financial control in the relationship,

which could create fear over the possibility of leaving with no money for the difficult and unknown journey ahead,

or you may fear losing everything if you do leave.

Make a plan and get support,

there is always a way if we keep searching for the answers until we have them.

And sometimes, it is best to lose your finances instead of losing your mind or your life.

What others may think

You may fear what your kids, friends, society or other family members might think

if you were to leave the toxic relationship.

I have learned that putting your safety and your sanity first is not being selfish,

please do not care what other people may think.

And try to not stress about the lies that the narcissist will spread about you.

In time, karma will deal with them and you will be free.

What other people think is not your business,

and it’s not their place to judge because they don’t know what it’s like to be in your shoes.

They don’t see the truth, they don’t even realize they are just a flying monkey in the narcissist’s smear campaign.

And they probably wouldn’t even know that true evil really does exist in charming people.

Leave the relationship to save yourself and let others figure out the narcissist for themselves.

Others will likely not believe you anyhow, I know that was my experience.

Fear of the narcissist

We can also fear the narcissist’s reactions if we leave them, especially if threats have been made.

Image by Alex Green

I believe that leaving a toxic relationship can be the most dangerous in some circumstances.

Always have a plan, get support and leave quietly and safely as possible.

The narcissist may intimidate you if you don’t return to them,

and that fear can be paralyzing enough to make you go back into the relationship.

Please seek help and support from professionals, authority figures and loved ones if you feel you are in danger.

You don’t deserve better

We may also fear that we will never meet anyone better because,

they will often say things like ‘no one will put up with you or love you like I do’,

only to make us feel like we don’t deserve better.

Please don’t believe this lie; you deserve and will someday meet someone so much better.

Image by Engin Akyurt

You deserve much more than to repeat another toxic and abusive cycle with the narcissist.

And most often, the relationship only gets worse every time you re enter it,

even if you are in a toxic workplace environment, in a toxic family or friendship circle.

You must first believe that there is better for you out there,

before you can get the strength to leave and go out and seek it.

We all deserve to be surrounded by people that support us, not destroy us.

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Awareness is power.