The out of the blue messages
Out of the blue messages are often sent as bait,
to see if the door is still open for the narcissist to re-enter your life,
likely because they are low on supply at the time.
If you have left a romantic relationship with them,
they may ask to see you in person just one more time, over a coffee or just for 5 minutes.
I believe they think they can manipulate and control you better face to face,
because they are able to read your body language and facial expressions,
which will in turn give them a better idea of which tactic to use in the moment.
They may even say they need it for closure, but really it’s an opportunity for them to hoover.
The narcissist may text you after a long time of no contact, with a simple “Hi, how have you been?”
Or they may pretend that the message they sent you was intended for someone else.
If you converse with them,
they believe they have an opportunity to use you as supply now that the door is open.
This is why many narcissists will try and remain friends with you after a break up,
because they know the door will be open for them at a later date.
Family members or friends
But out of the blue contact can also come from your narcissistic family members or friends.
They could come at you with information they believe you want to hear, or bad news concerning the family.
We all want to be there when a loved one is in need,
but be sure to have your boundaries if you need to interact with toxic relatives.
Don’t allow them to make you feel guilt when they attempt to use their guilt hoovering on you.
They may try and make you feel that you are abandoning the family,
act like you owe them your time or make comments such as-
‘you think you are too good for us now’.
No healthy loving family would use these comments against you.
They would be more concerned about why you’re distancing yourself in the first place,
and not just blame you for the fact that you have.
Please don’t let them make you feel bad for having boundaries.
Any information, that the narcissist believes could be interesting or of use to you, can be a hoovering tactic,
it opens the door for conversation and a way back into your life.
We must not allow our hopes for a genuine reconnection cloud our judgement.
Because if you have repeated the toxic cycle with them many times already,
we must see that this will be another repeat cycle if you re-enter the connection.
It took me over 30 years to finally wake up and stop giving toxic individuals the benefit of the doubt.