Triangulation is a tactic the narcissist uses to control how others see you, often when they cannot control you themselves.
They use this tactic to play people against each other in order to get what they want, or to get other people to do what they want.
It can also be a form of punishment when you do not conform to the narcissist’s narrative or persuasion, and this also gives them supply.
And it can be a way to isolate you from others, therefore making it easier for the narcissist to control and manipulate you.
In this way they can appear as the victim or the savior to the third party involved, whilst painting you as villain behind your back.
They will attempt to ruin your reputation, whilst trying to make you look and feel like the fool at the same time.
Triangulation can appear as devaluing you, or someone else.
The narcissist may compare you or the things you do with someone else.
They could state that others do things in the way they want or think is right,
implying in a passive way that your way is wrong so therefore it is not good enough.
Or they may shame you by saying that what others do is wrong, so you should not be doing that thing also.
These can be attempts to make you feel shame, guilt, inferior, not good enough,
faulted in some way or that you are simply wrong and everyone will despise on you.
When we are empathic people pleasers and codependent, these attempts from the narcissists often work on us.
If we question ourselves in this way, we can tend to do things differently just to please the narcissist.
Then going against our own judgements of what we feel or know is right.
They are gaslighting us to doubt ourselves.
If the narcissist can not make you feel that you are defected in some way, they will make you look crazy, less than or damaged to others.
To make others look down on you, so that others won’t want anything to do with you simply because they have believed the lies.
This is why inner strength and self confidence is key for survival.
We must learn to not care about what other people think.
Only fools will involve themselves in gossip and act on assumptions.
Know that you deserve and will attract authentic people who see your authenticity through the lies.
They are your people. Please do not succumb into feeling like you need to prove yourself to the manipulators, the liars and the haters.
Ignore them and give your energy to those that see your worth, those who give you the respect you deserve.