Provoking an emotional reaction
Although, reactive abuse appears to be a defense mechanism for the narcissist to avoid accountability;
sadistically, many of them may provoke their victims intentionally to get an emotional reaction for supply.
It makes them feel powerful and validated when they can see that they have the power to affect and control someone else through their emotions,
or to be able to diminish the quality of another person’s life.
They often want others to feel as miserable as them.
Narcissists will also deliberately seek for our emotional reactions to use against us.
It is a way they gaslight us to manipulate the situation so they can feel in control.
They fear being viewed as flawed, inferior, insignificant or as the villain they truly are.
And by deflecting and projecting onto our reactions,
it helps them to feel in control by protecting their false image of perfection, superiority and victimhood.
Our emotional reaction is what others focus on,
and the narcissist is seeking to use this fact for their gain and our loss.
Their image to the outside world is their priority,
and one way to protect their image is to silence the truth.
By quickly placing blame and deflecting everyone else’s attention and judgement onto the victim first.
The real cause is not seen because the narcissist often provokes us so covertly and passively,
that it is easy for them to deny to others if they are accused.
It can make the victim feel isolated from others, when nobody sees or believes the truth of the situation.
Only the target experiences the abuse, so most of the time, only the target is able to see the abuse that is happening.
And often, others are not willing to see the truth because they feel it is not their place to get involved.
When sharing your experiences with others, make sure to only share with those you can truly trust.
I believe it is important to have others you can vent to, people that are willing to support and validate you through your abusive experience.
Having support gives you strength and healing to get you through the unfair ordeal with the narcissist.
Our reactions
When our emotions are provoked and triggered, we can act quite drastically.
Some of us may get aggressive, cry uncontrollably, become violent, beg to reason with the abuser,
respond sarcastically, plead and accept blame, hurl insults or give the silent treatment.
We are truly upset, emotional and hurting from the pain the abuser has put onto us.
These reactions is then used to make the abused look like the abuser.
Narcissists are masters at pushing our buttons and masters at manipulating situations.
We are often unaware that the whole relationship we have with the narcissist,
is for the narcissist to learn about our emotional weaknesses so they can use it against us.
Although we can blame our reactions on the narcissist for provoking us,
we must always remember that we are responsible for our own reactions.
And often, when there are others involved,
nobody else sees that the narcissist has provoked us.
Our reactions confirm to the narcissist that we are the crazy ones,
and they want everyone else to believe this narrative, and sadly many do.
