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If you have been around a narcissist, whether they are a family member, a friend, a work colleague or an acquaintance,

You may notice that most conversations you have with them, can often feel like they are in competition.

They enjoy putting other people down whilst boasting about themselves and their achievements.

They will minimize everyone else’s experiences as if their problems are always bigger,

their achievements are always better and that only their views are correct.

This behavior is a very common trait connected to the narcissist.

And you may even find yourself competing back with the narcissist just to feel that your story is heard and understood,

because the narcissist will hardly ever make you feel validated in your experiences.

It can often feel like a very one sided interaction.

And you may walk away feeling drained unaware that you were just supply to the narcissist in the conversation.

It begins with compliments

A red flag of the narcissist’s competitive nature we often miss is when the narcissist flatters us with compliments.

We dismiss it because we think it is a positive thing that all genuine and kind people do.

When we compliment others, we genuinely feel happy for them and want to support them.

But a narcissist often gives compliments because they are secretly jealous of what they are complimenting you on.

Their false admiration and intrigue are ways they suppress and hide their intense emotions of jealousy from us.

Image by Tim Douglas

They want to give us an image of love and support while they mask their real feelings of intense envy and resentment.

And behind our backs, they are secretly attempting to take from us, the very things they are jealous of.

Their actions will contradict the words they speak.

It is evident through their lack of involvement or lack of actions that should show their support and encouragement.

While they are praising you with their empty words, they will be focused on trying to outdo or outshine you,

and attempt to sabotage your character and your success at the same time.

They cannot handle others being admired or having the attention, they so desperately want to keep for themselves.

When you have what they want, you automatically become the narcissist’s opponent.

And as their adversary, they will undermine you in any way necessary just so they can feel superior to you.

Your success and achievements trigger their insecurities.

Narcissists are great with words,

they use words to manipulate how they want others see them, and how they want others to be seen.

Image by Jopwell 

Always trust a narcissist’s actions and never their words.

The narcissist can also give compliments to gain your trust so they can easier manipulate you.

Either way, it appears you cannot trust any compliments that come from a narcissist.

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Awareness is power.