Skip to main content

The best way to deal with a narcissist in your life is to go no contact.

But this method may not be possible if you have to co-parent with the narc,

or if they are a work colleague or a family member you still have to deal with.

Using the grey rock method will then ultimately be the next best way to deal with the narcissist.

This method can assist you to set and maintain healthier boundaries with the narcissists in your life.

And helps to distance yourself emotionally from their toxicity and protect your energy from being totally depleted.

What does it mean to go grey rock?

The grey rock method is an efficient detachment strategy.

To go grey rock is to make yourself boring and as uninteresting as a grey rock sitting in an abandoned paddock.

It means to respond to the narcissist in the most minimal way possible without showing any emotion or sharing your feelings.

And to act uninterested towards anything that the narcissist says or does.

Don’t absorb their energy and don’t react.

Giving no eye contact can also be beneficial in disengaging from the conversation,

and also showing no expression on your face.

The narcissist will try and bait you into conversations that will trigger your emotions and get a reaction from you.

But going grey rock means to not engage if possible, or minimize engagement, and not to defend or have to explain your yourself.

Don’t ask questions and don’t give personal answers.

Keep your interactions as short and as emotionless as possible.

Even if the narcissist appears to have good intentions, it is still often just a baiting technique they use to get you to engage with them.

Image by Alex Green 

They do not have your best interest in mind and the consequence of the conversation can later become more problematic than it appears.

Do not take the bait and say anything that the narcissist can use against you,

it is best to minimize the things you say to them by using short responses in a flat tone of voice.

And do not get into an argument and feel the need to make the narcissist understand your point of view.

They will never care about what you have to say, often their only intention is to trigger you and watch you react.

Your reaction gives them narcissistic supply, and it will be used against you.

Why the grey rock method works?

Narcissists feed off other people’s emotional energy for self-gratification.

And they seek to gather information about people’s weakness through their interactions with others.

By grey rocking we stop engaging, which cuts off that energy supply to the things they seek.

The narcissists also want to trigger our emotions,

and when we use the grey rock method, it starves them from our emotional reactions they are looking for.

And this can make you appear boring to them.

But just be aware that the narcissist may see this as a challenge at first,

and you grey rocking them can make them hostile and angry.

They may up their game by using hurtful insults or aggression,

but if you continue to use the grey rock method, they should eventually give up and try to create drama elsewhere.

We must not succumb to their baiting when using the grey rock method.

Image by Liza Summer 

And remember that they are only trying to aggravate us for a reaction.

Narcissists live for any form of validation and attention.

And they will seek to gain this through their use of lies, and emotional manipulation.

Going grey rock shows them that their gaslighting, lies and manipulations are no longer working on you.

And sooner or later, they will get bored and try their games on someone else that is easier to manipulate for supply.

Which allows you some much needed peace in your life.

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5

Close Menu

Awareness is power.