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Image by Trinity Kubassek

How the narcissist views relationships

Narcissists view the people in their life as objects or possessions that they can use to get their needs met.

Their needs can be things such as someone to give them endless admiration, validation and attention,

someone who can support them financially and give them material possessions,

someone they can control and use as an emotional punching bag to place all their pain, blame and accountability on,

or someone who raises their status and gives them an image or a persona that makes them look good to the outside world.

Narcissists are very superficial; they do not enter relationships for the same needs and expectations as most of us.

It is not about the reciprocation of love, trust, honesty, loyalty or individuality.

It is purely only for their personal gain and what the relationship can give to them.

The narcissist knows the things we seek in relationships, and they will manipulate us into believing that is what they have to offer.

But overtime, you will see that their lies was only to secure you as supply and get you trauma bonded to them so it is harder for you to leave.

Whether you are a partner, friend or family member to a narcissist; you are only seen as a convenience to their needs.

They do not care about the person that you are and what your needs might be.

They don’t care about your emotions, your dreams, or your desires.

Yes, they can pretend to care, but that is only to manipulate you into sticking around so they can continue to exploit you.

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Narcissists will fake all types of relationships just to get their needs met.

As soon as you have nothing that they want, they will heartlessly discard you as if you are just a worthless piece of trash.

Because they honestly just see people as objects that function as tools to get what they want.

When they see us as a useless or broken tool, we are now an inconvenience to them,

and they will shamelessly move towards someone else that they view as a more useful tool.

We all deserve reciprocation of time, compassion and efforts in our relationships.

If you are experiencing these one-sided narcissistic relationships, it is time to let them go,

and a good time to seek out genuine people to have normal and proper relationships with.

Grey rock the narcissists in your life and give your emotional energy to people more deserving.

What happens when we go grey rock?

Once you begin using the grey rock method, you may notice the narcissists becoming hostile and angry.

The narcissistic partner may accuse you of cheating on them because you are no longer giving them the attention you once did.

Because narcissists will not self-reflect or take accountability,

they won’t accept or understand that the real reason for your grey rocking is due to their unreasonable, selfish and hurtful behaviors.

They will get annoyed and resentful over the fact that they no longer have control over your thoughts and emotions.

The narcissist may even get jealous and hostile when they see you interacting and being attentive in conversations with other people.  

This often leads to the narcissist accusing you of acting like you are too good for them and may result in a smear campaign against you.

Be prepared that the narcissist’s insecure and antagonizing ways may test your inner strength when you apply the grey rock method.

Don’t give into their baiting or give them the emotional interaction they are demanding.

Image by Alex Green

Their persistent personality is like a child having a tantrum until they get the attention that they want from us.

Stand firm and steady until the narcissist gets bored when using this technique.

Another reason the narcissist may get hostile when we use the grey rock method is that they are used to us being their emotional punching bag.

And now that we choose not to be in that position, they can no longer regulate their emotions the way they are used to.

They may gaslight you into feeling guilty for leaving them, or blame you for all the bad that is happening in their life.

They might also tell everyone that you’re now up yourself, and turn everyone against you,

just because they are jealous of your new found independence, confidence and the potential to live life without them.

Narcissists fear rejection and being irrelevant,

and you grey rocking them, will likely cause a narcissistic injury to their ego thus triggering narcissistic rage.  

Be prepared for their reactions but stand firm in the grey rock technique.

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Awareness is power.