Hoovering
If we were once a source of narcissistic supply to the narc, they will always see us as a possible source of future back up supply.
Even if they get bored and have moved on, they may eventually try and come back in the future with an attempt to hoover you.
This could be weeks, months or even years in the future.
Often time still does not change the narcissist.
And allowing them to have access back into your life, gives them a chance to cause more chaos than before.
It is a good idea to continue to stand firm and steady in the grey rock method in any future interactions with the narcissist.
Narcissists have no shame when trying to get validation from you or anyone.
They need people’s validation and attention to survive and they will exhaust all manipulation techniques to get it.
Your relationship with them can end so horrifically resulting in much pain caused from their abusive ways.
But their shameless persistence allows them to come back in the future trying to use the love bombing technique on you once again,
and they act as if nothing ever happened previously.
If they cannot get close to you straight away, they will often stalk you on social media,
or use flying monkeys to suss out the situation before they make their move.
Choosing to allow them back in your personal space will just repeat the cycle of abuse, and most of the time, it only gets worse.
Grey rocking also creates a boundary that protects you from their hoover attempts.
Limit sharing information with the narcissist
Narcissists like to interact with people to gain knowledge that they can use to weaponize against their victims,
or to gather information they can use for their own personal gain.
Limiting the information that we share with the narcissist is a part of going grey rock.
And it is extremely beneficial for our self-protection.
They will twist or exaggerate the truth to others in an attempt to discredit your character,
or they may use the information for their personal gain and take credit for your efforts and ideas.
The narcissist will also use information to assess what their next best manipulation tactic will be,
so they can better position themselves towards their desired outcome in any situation.
Whether that is to gain control in a romantic situation, with family, in social settings or in the workplace.
Collected information is also used as an opportunity for the narcissist to distort the truth,
to make themselves appear superior and make others seem inferior to them.
In some instances, it may be impossible to hold back personal ideas, opinions or plans,
such as in a workplace setting where your co-worker or boss is a narcissist.
If you are in this position, consider if this is the right long term work environment you wish to participate in.
You may find a more supportive and equal workplace environment elsewhere.
The sad truth is, narcissists will even use what you do against you.
Even if you don’t share with them information, they will take the opportunity to distort the truth about your actions.
They have no shame in using gaslighting, lying, manipulation or spreading gossip and rumours in an attempt to bring others down.
All we can do is to minimize the amount of damage that the narcissist can do in our life,
by limiting our interactions and giving them no emotions in our dealings with them.
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