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Fear and self-hatred

Scapegoats will often feel like everybody hates them, and believe that there must be something wrong with them.

Simply because they feel attacked by their own family, their very own care givers that are supposed to protect them.

And now, they are also attacked by people from outside the family dynamic,

the ones who believe the narcissist’s lies and become flying monkeys.

Image by Keira Burton

Flying monkeys carry on the abuse for the narcissist further causing more pain and drama for the scapegoat.

This can have the scapegoat always living in fear, with feelings of PTSD, depression, and existing in a permanent state of survival mode.

Experiencing these strong painful emotions can affect your mental, emotional and physical health.

And even your financial wealth if you feel you are unable to cope in the workplace.

Feelings of real happiness seem so far out of reach, and life can feel like a hellish place for many scapegoats.

The scapegoat often begin to hate themselves and their lives, even having self-harming and suicidal thoughts.

Image by Liza Summer

This is why validation of their reality is extremely important.

It could be the open door for the scapegoat to take their first step towards learning to trust others and themselves.

By removing themselves from the toxic family dynamic,

the scapegoat has a chance to heal and discover all the positive things that life can offer that they never knew existed.

Seeking acceptance

The scapegoat can grow up with a sense of longing for acceptance from the narcissistic parents,

often spending their childhood or even their life trying to please the parents.

Image by Karolina Grabowska

This is the parent’s way of feeling like they have power and control over the scapegoat.

It is an easy, covert, and manipulative way for the narcissistic parent to get what they want from the scapegoat.

And sadly, the scapegoat will never get the true acceptance they are desperately seeking.

The little acceptance they may get becomes conditional.

If the scapegoat never learns to understand what is happening to them,

that cycle of psychological and emotional trauma can forever go round and around without ever reaching any resolution.

I was in my late 30s before I understood what was happening to me, I really wish I knew about covert narcissism earlier,

but I know I should be grateful as there are many others that live whole lifetimes losing who they are,

Image by cottonbro studio

forever living with anxiety and confusion without purpose and never understanding why they just cannot get out of that cycle.

Knowledge truly does give you power.

As soon as I understood why I experienced everything I did,

the permanent anxiety and confusion that I had come to accept as normal immediately left my life.

I stopped needing acceptance from my parents and I gave that love back to myself for the first time in my life.

And I can now distinguish between what is real love and what is trauma bond.

I also now understand what true peace, and peace of mind feels like.

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Awareness is power.