Breaking the trauma bond
Trauma bond is the strong connection created between yourself and the narcissist.
We subconsciously get addicted to the highs and lows in this relationship dynamic.
The narcissist creates the ‘high’ at the beginning of the relationship through the love bombing phase.
Our dopamine’s are through the roof, and we think we are in love.
The connection is so powerful we can often start believing that we have met our soulmate or twin flame.
Once the narcissist believes they have us trusting and committed to the relationship, that’s when their mask begins to slip.
The love bombing was all an act and they were only mirroring who you were.
When you look at it in this way, it’s apparent you actually fell in love with your own positive traits.
Once they get you hooked, they don’t feel the need to put so much effort in anymore.
We then begin to see the negative but true side to the narcissist.
They will begin to devalue their victim with subtle abuses whilst using gaslighting to hide their true intentions.
And will bread crumb us with small amounts of attention to keep us believing in their false love,
whilst they’re counting on us to remember the good times so that we choose to stay.
Instead of leaving them, we tend to spend our time trying to work through the relationship due to the guilt and confusion they have incited in our emotions.
We think that if we can fix the relationship, we can feel that ‘high’ happy emotion again.
Or we may falsely believe that if we wait around, we will get back that person we first fell in love with,
unable to see that the person in our mind never actually existed.
And our sense of intuition is often depleted at this point due to the excessive amount of gaslighting already done by the narcissist.
People that have never experienced unconditional love, kindness or validation from parents growing up, are highly susceptible to this form of manipulation.
With having no other love to compare it to, we can often settle for these types of unhealthy relationships believing ‘this must be what love is’.
Narcissists love playing on your guilt to manipulate and exploit.
That’s why empaths are vulnerable targets and a great source of supply to the narc.
Because the narc will continuously guilt trip you into caring about their needs and feelings.
Thus getting what they want over and over, without the empath getting any of their needs met in return.
The victim is now in the ‘low’ phase from all the abuse and giving so much of their energy,
that the small amount of bread crumbing they longed for now feels like the biggest ‘high’.
The feeling becomes like a drug addiction. The highs are really euphoric and the lows are deeply distressful.
Just like nicotine addiction, our mind and body get used to living this way.
And that is why it can feel so difficult to break the trauma bond.
It is an addiction and like all other addictions, it is an endless cycle of highs and lows.
In time, there will be less highs and more lows, with the lows becoming more abusive over time.
And just like any other drug addiction, it is difficult to break the habit.
No contact works because it gives us space and time to detox from this emotional state we have become accustomed to.
Even just looking at a picture of the two of you together can set about those addicting feelings.
Avoiding social media or looking at photos will significantly help during this time.
Looking back, I now understand why my ex would flood my messages and emails with pictures of us every time I ended it with him.
Once you have made the decision to leave, make it the final decision.
And if you can help it, do not stay in communication with your narc.
They see that as an open opportunity to manipulate you back into the abuse cycle.
The narc is like a heroin dealer tempting you with ‘just one hit’ after you decided to quit the drug.
Don’t make it harder for yourself than you have to.
Block them from all avenues of contact, and don’t worry about what they might be up to.
Always remember, that the person you fell in love with never existed.
They are just an empty shell who fed off your emotional energy to trick you.
