Devaluing…
Narcissists will begin to devalue their victims with subtle abuses whilst using gaslighting techniques to hide their true intentions.
They often hide their put downs through passive aggressive comments, so they can easily be brushed off as a joke if the narcissist is called out.
Thus, blaming you for being overly sensitive or taking it the wrong way.
If you question them on their inconsistencies or call them out on any of their poor behaviors, you may see evidence of their internal rage.
This narcissistic rage is the outcome of narcissistic injury often caused by a truth that challenges their false identity or a loss of control.
Once this side to their personality is exposed, the narcissist will sense that you are emotionally withdrawing from the relationship.
This is when they may use blame shifting, deflecting, denying and more love bombing techniques, to draw your energy back towards them.
And it often includes reasoning to portray themselves as a victim of a circumstance and that’s why they did what they did.
This plays on the empaths heart strings thus making the empath want to fix the damaged narcissist.
Again, justifying the narcs poor behavior and ignoring more red flags.
The narc can also twist the truth to make their actions appear to have good intentions, thus making the caring and naïve empath feel bad.
This tactic encourages us to forgive the narcissist, to ignore the red flags and pull us back into the relationship once again.
When in truth, their true intention is wicked and selfish.
Narcissists can twist the truth so well, that it is extremely difficult to catch them out on the lie, unless they are caught in the act.
Even in the beginning of the relationship, we had already lost control of our emotions.
And we knowingly handed that control over to the narcissist.
They had already played with our vulnerabilities, our loneliness, our love, our guilt and our sympathy.
Ignoring more red flags…
Our gut instinct that tells us that ‘something doesn’t feel right’ is another major red flag that we tend to ignore.
Without proof we feel we have no reason to leave the relationship.
And the narcissist will use this fact against the victim so they feel an obligation to stay and make the relationship work.
Another huge red flag we often ignore, is when a close relative or friend tells you they don’t like your new partner.
But because the connection we feel is so strong and the high feels euphoric, we assume that others just do not understand the love we have.
But we mistake the feeling for love, when it is actually trauma bonding.
As we fall deeper into the relationship the gaslighting affects our minds so much that we can no longer see or feel the truth.
We were unaware that the narcissist purposely gaslighted us to plant self-doubt into our minds so we no longer trust our own thoughts or feelings.
They want us to only trust their empty words and play along with their manipulations.
Our ‘gut feeling’ can be overwhelmed by intense feelings of confusion, excitement, wonder, passion and anxiety all at the same time.
We know that if one of our closest friends was experiencing what we were going through, we would tell them to get out of the relationship.
But the most confusing part is while it is happening to us, we just cannot seem to leave.
Often making excuses for the abuse.
And we find ourselves defending the narcs actions by justification.
This way of thinking is also another major red flag that we ignore.
It is truly fascinating how trauma bonding works.
It is like being under a spell that has been cast on you from the devil himself,
just so you can allow him to slowly torture you as he pleases.
I like to compare it to that story about the frog;
”You put a frog in a pot of water and he is quite content.
And then the stove gets turned on, but the frog is unaware of what is happening.
The frog’s body temperature slowly adjusts to the water as it gradually heats up.
And by the time the water begins to boil, it is too late for the frog.”
That is how I see narcissistic relationships.
We must stop ignoring the red flags before we get anymore deeper into the relationship.
