Permanent state of victimhood
The narcissist has chosen to be a forever victim in their narrative of life.
This way of thinking gives them supply.
They gain sympathy; it gets them attention and it deflects from the fact that they are actually the real bullies.
It is just another mask they hide behind.
Covert or vulnerable narcissists prefer to play the victim role.
They never want to be seen as flawed or as the abuser.
The narcissist will deny their abusive ways but will happily call out someone else’s reaction as abuse.
Even when their actions and intentions are more selfish and sinister.
They have no self awareness of how their actions affect others,
and will only ever care about how other people’s actions affect them.
But they are also not willing to self-reflect to accept their part of the blame.
This is why they will never change, never take accountability.
And you will always be wasting your time trying to reason with them.
Reactive abuse in all relationships
Reactive abuse happens within all types of relationships with the narcissist.
It can even happen in the workplace.
They may provoke another employee to the point where that employee retaliates with aggression.
The narcissist may then try to get the employee fired for bullying and take many months off work using paid stress leave.
All the while getting supply for playing the victim, getting paid for not going to work
and they sadistically get to enjoy watching their target suffer for possibly losing employment.
This action of reactive abuse can cause major damage, it is like the ripple effect.
The victim’s loss of job could threaten a loss of home, loss of respect from other employees that believe the narcissist’s lies,
loss of reputation or cause stress and fights within their home environment.
It sounds completely unfair, but it does happen.
The narcissist then sees that they are getting away with being abusive,
plus getting the rewards also.
They feel powerful and have no reason to want to change their behaviors.
Narcissists have no empathy for others and they honestly believe that they are the true victims,
because anybody who stands up to them with truth,
disagrees with them or threatens their false ego is seen as the abuser in their warped and unreasonable minds.
This type of abuse also happens with narcissistic family members, friends, partners and even acquaintances.
To minimize the consequences of being a narcissist’s target of reactive abuse,
we must learn to not react.
It may sound easier said that done, even I still struggle when I am provoked.
But I noticed that when I can remain calm, respond instead of react, then the situation often defuses sooner than later.
