Denying their insecurities
Narcissists have a deep fear of being abandoned or feeling inadequate and worthless.
It can be difficult to see this core truth of their being through their false confidence they put out into the world.
But this is a reason why they constantly try and make others feel these negative feelings.
They are projecting their fears onto everyone around them.
And they do this on a daily basis.
They may cheat in the relationship and abandon you, so that you feel what they are fearing.
They will constantly devalue you, so you feel the lack of self-worth that they desperately deny and bury deep within their subconscious.
The narcissist will make you feel like what you do is never good enough.
Damned if you and damned if you don’t.
They will never praise you for your efforts or successes unless it benefits their image somehow.
They want you to feel inadequate and have no sense of self-worth.
Because this is how they truly feel within themselves.
But admitting these feelings to themselves will cause them great shame and guilt.
Instead of taking responsibility for these feelings, they will project them onto others.
If we have unhealed wounds from our own childhood traumas,
the narcissist’s projection will trigger our own wounds and fears of the same or similar insecurities.
And we can often take these attacks very personally, often bending over backwards for the narcissist,
in attempts to prove our worth and seeking validation from the narcissist or from the outside world.
This is why healing our own childhood traumas is important for personal growth.
When we see our own self-worth, it helps us to create stronger boundaries,
which in turn is important for our self-protection from the narcissist’s abuse.
Our self-love becomes the ultimate defense for the narcissist’s projection that comes from their self-hatred.
Do not feel sorry for the narcissist to the point where you excuse their behavior and give them chance after chance.
They often will not change, but continue to deny their feelings and abuse you more.
Self-love is knowing that you deserve to be treated better.
Avoiding accountability, responsibility and consequences
Narcissists will not take accountability for anything,
because accepting responsibility means that they have made a mistake.
And admitting fault also means accepting the consequences.
Narcissists will avoid consequences at all costs, and would rather project blame onto others.
They have a strong lack of empathy for others and do not care who’s lives they destroy with their lies.
The narcissist only cares about their life and their feelings and expects everyone to support this narrative.
Narcissists accept zero responsibility for anything, they cannot even share part of the blame with someone else.
Even if they say they are sorry for something and they may state something is their fault;
often their statements are only used as a manipulation tactic to keep you around until they get what they want.
Their actions usually do not support their apologies,
and they will feel the need to punish you later for trying to make them accountable.
You will ultimately become a main target for the narcissist’s projection.
And they will try and force you to be accountable for many things that go wrong in their life.
In family settings, an example might be that a child states that the parent has hurt the child and is never supportive,
while the child feels they are making all the effort in the family dynamics because it is true.
The narcissistic parent then gets offended because this truth has caused a narcissistic injury,
and they may apologize because they want to continue using the child for supply.
but makes no effort to change their self absorbed and abusive parenting behaviors.
Then behind the child’s back (or even to their face) they are claiming that the child is difficult, selfish and ungrateful,
in an attempt to project their poor parenting behaviors and blaming the child instead.
But this behavior by the narcissist also happens regularly in work environments, romantic relationships and in social circles.
