Fake apologies
An apology from the narcissist can be a huge red flag for hoovering.
They use the fake apology as a way to get back your trust,
so they can re-enter your life and cause more chaos.
Forgiveness to a narcissist is only giving them permission to continue their manipulative games.
They are not genuinely sorry and they do not feel bad for what they’ve done.
Remember, they have no empathy, and it is only our own empathy that keeps us tied to them.
We tend to think that we should be the bigger person when they come at us with an apology,
so it feels easy for us to forgive them in that moment.
Our forgiveness enables them
But when we forgive the narcissist, all they are thinking is that they have control of us again.
They know they have fooled us and this feeds their ego,
and gives them instant supply and validation of how powerful and in control they think they are.
We continue to enable them, simply by forgiving and giving them another chance.
It can be a beautiful healing effort, when someone can apologize for hurting us because they genuinely care.
But if you know of someone who never keeps their promises, who constantly hurts you time and time again,
someone who has many other narcissistic traits,
then consider the fact that they may not deserve your forgiveness because they are not truly sorry.
It may be time to go no contact and move on without them.
Know that you deserve better than to believe their lies,
and to stay in this toxic cycle receiving nothing but pain and losing all parts of yourself in the process.
They ultimately believe that what ever they did to hurt us was our fault and we deserved it.
The apology is only used as a manipulation tool to keep us around as supply,
and they have every intention of hurting us again because they feel entitled to do so.
Narcissists believe that we don’t deserve an apology in the first place.
You may see them ignore the problem at first,
then deny it, then make excuses for it or simply blame you.
It’s often when none of those other tactic works to keep you around,
that you may see the fake apology used as a last resort.
I know that was my experience many times with toxic relationships.
